Making Friends

Making friends in college or grad school was so easy. You saw your neighbor everyday in class or in the cafeteria. These people also had similar interest to you, maybe it was just going in debt together but you shared a common bond.

Now that I am working full time the "instant relationships" are few and far between. Since, believe it or not, I am not the type of person to going into a bar and make a friend like my brother I look in different places for friends. I work at a job with hundreds of people, however, I am not supposed to be "friends" with those people because of my pastoral role at church. I am working on relationships with people on staff and that is going pretty well for only being there 3 months. We all have a common bond which can be a positive and a negative - work. Sometimes I can only hear so much about work.

Outside of work, it is a whole different ball game. I spent last night online looking for groups to get involved with to meet new people since our church softball league is over. I tried a stitch and bitch group in the area and it was fine, but I was looking for something more. I am going to try another group closer to home, but still it is weird going to a group and meeting a bunch of strangers. It's like a job interview. Do you fit with us? Do I fit with you?

Alexis and I were talking about this and it seems like finding friends is not so much about shopping for them. You just make friends. Who you hang around with on a regular basis usually become your friends. She has many friends at her part-time job, but they are not people she would search out at a group meeting. They are the crazy people that work at Trader Joe's. Each one different from the other. I guess the whole common bond thing is part of it too. They HAVE to show up to work. With these "interest" groups you don't have to meet up. It take more commitment because there is no paycheck after attending a month of underwater basket weaving club.

The other thing about shopping for groups is the whole dating component. So many groups are "meetup" groups for single people. It was hard to find a group that did not advertise itself as a place to meet your new girlfriend or boyfriend. The sign language group I looked at stated in its advertisement that "we hope you find your true love by coming to our group, like we did." Check that one off the list.

After looking at many different groups including foreign language groups, an outdoor group, even a scrapbooking group, I think I found one where I can get the combo of I HAVE to be there and share a common bond. A feminist choir that has rehearsals close by our house. I hesitated to look at GLBT groups because I want a diverse group, but one of my co-workers who is married in a straight relationship sings with this group so it sounds like a good fit. I also want to get involved with a local couples group to have some folks to talk about life in domestic partnership, civil unions or marriage (do we really want to keep the word marriage, why not make up new word like eros eternum?). Hey, maybe we'll even meet some folks like us who have kids?

Oh and did I mention that the singing group is free? I would love to join a dance group, but it is expensive and I can't get a second job to pay for it or I won't be able to go to the class. Maybe someday when I am making the big bucks.

My parents are still waiting for that day to come. I will keep you posted on how the choir thing goes and if you are in the neighborhood we do have two concerts a year, so you can come and listen.

Well, time to go train for the marathon. Gotta work hard tonight so can relax tomorrow and go to Kathy Griffin's comedy performance. I am so excited! If you don't know this d-list celebrity, check out Bravo's tv line up.